


Bad Decisions: Greatest Hits

by FakePlastikTrees



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 10:57:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2267163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FakePlastikTrees/pseuds/FakePlastikTrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mindy and Danny try the friends with benefits thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Decisions: Greatest Hits

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tencentsforadance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tencentsforadance/gifts).



> This is somewhat AU. Nothing too complicated.

 

 

Track 1: _Procession_

 

 

“Okay, so hypothetically speaking, and I’m not saying yes yet, how would this work?”

 

They clink their glasses together and tip their heads back as they down another shot. Mindy slams hers down against the hardwood floor with a dramatic gagging sound before she sucks on the sliver of lime like her life depends on it.

 

“Well,” She says, shaking her head and making a sour face. “Well, what do you mean? How long has it been since you last had sex that you don’t know how it works?”

 

Rather than defend his encyclopedic knowledge of the female anatomy like he wants to, Danny lets it go and pours them each another shot of Patron. “No. How do we—I mean, no strings, right?”

 

“Right. No strings. I’m not like in love with you or anything. You’re my best friend and I trust you. Plus, you’ve already seen me naked, I’ve seen parts of you I never even thought about thanks to your ex wife and wiener night, so there won’t be any surprises there, you know what I mean?”

 

“I don’t remember much about naked Mindy, to be honest.” He tells her, not bothering with hiding the salacious smirk on his lips.

 

She must be terrifyingly drunk, because she’s smirking back. Pouring another shot for each as she flips her hair with ease worthy of a Charlie’s Angel title, she says, “Well, I guess I could remind you. Then you can decide if we’re keeping it hypothetical or not.”

 

She shrugs and he’s staring. She pushes his glass towards him and he blinks, shaking his head a little, snapping back. “Kay.” He says and holds her gaze as they knock back another one.

 

In the corner, in a pile of ignored pieces of painted wood and bolts and screws still securely wrapped in their little plastic bags, the dresser Danny was supposed to help Mindy build goes on to be completely forgotten, while something with a funky beat that isn’t deplorable plays off of Mindy’s iPod dock.

 

Exhaling heavily and blinking back some of the fog of the alcohol she’s consumed over the course of the evening, Mindy carefully gets to her feet and goes right for the kill, undoing the buttons of her shirt, starting at the bottom.

 

“Whoa, you were serious?”

 

“Yeah. What?” She stops at the last button, the one keeping her modest, the one little thing that could snap this thing into motion. “Are you nervous or something? You’re a doctor, it’s just anatomy.”

 

“I’m not nervous! And don’t say ‘anatomy’ like that, come on, you’re making it sound dirty.” He exclaims, jumping to his feet. “Go ahead, take it off.”

 

There’s a deeper undertone to his voice and Mindy feels a rush of energy roll through her, making her feel confident and bold.

 

“Alright.”

 

She pops the button and swiftly pulls her shirt off, letting it fall on the floor. With her hands on her hips she glances down at herself, mentally congratulates herself on the cute polka dot bra she wasn’t aware she was wearing and then looks at Danny. “Well?”

 

Danny isn’t taking the opportunity for granted. He’s really getting his fill of looking. He doesn’t know what she was so worried about with Cliff. She’s got a beautiful body. Her breasts are not big, but they’re not necessarily flat either. They’re proportioned to her stature, really. Her skin has a natural glow to it that not all people are blessed with, her waist dips in a dangerous curve into the gentle rise of her hips, still encased in denim. He nods approvingly. “Yeah, it’s coming back to me now, I think I remember.”

 

“You think?”

 

“Yeah, I mean, I think so. I mean, you were— _naked_ before, so.”

 

“Oh, right, of course.” She says, her hands falling against the waistband of her jeans. She isn’t completely immune to the weight of his stare, but she’s glad for the shield of bravery a good bottle of tequila can provide.

 

She goes for the button and the zipper eases down audibly. She shimmies out of her pants and steps out of the small pool of denim to fully face Danny as she reaches behind her to undo the clasp of her bra, which she disposes of quickly, standing before Danny in nothing but a pair of red cotton briefs that make her butt look really cute.

 

“What do you think? You want to keep this hypothetical, or do you think we could help each other out?”

 

“Friends with benefits?”

 

“No strings. Just sex.”

 

“Yeah, we can do that, why not?” His voice is a low, gritty whisper and they both begin to visibly breathe a little faster.

 

“Shake on it?” She holds her hand out and when he takes it, they dissolve into a fit of laughter that goes on until he pulls her forward and dips his head down to kiss her.

 

It’s nice, this kiss. They both smile into it and he’s hesitant to touch her, but when he does, it comes naturally, the way he circles her waist and brings her close to his chest. His shirt is a cool barrier coat between them. Her hands slowly dance up his forearms, her digits taking in every taut vein, appreciatively noting every flinching muscle as she moves upwards, over his elbows, up to his shoulders to play with the short hairs at the nape.

 

“Damn, nice arms, Danny.”

 

“Oh, thanks, I’ve been doing a little extra work on them lately.”

 

“Well, it shows.”

 

“Thanks.” He says and kisses her again. It’s weird how easy this is.

 

A pleasant little groan escapes him and he adjust his body, pressing himself closer to her still, angling his head just so, to ease her lips open. His tongue touches hers just as his hands begin to roam, down her back and over the swell of her ass. She sighs against him and he inhales sharply, before she mumbles something about the couch.

 

She’s tugging his shirt off the second she sits astride him, losing it somewhere over his head.

 

“So, how available are we making ourselves for this?”

 

“Oh, super available,” She says, her hands hovering over his belt buckle to look at him. “I mean, I have no interest in seeing anyone right now, do you?”

 

He can tell that his answer will either seal the deal or break it. He really isn’t planning on embarking on another relationship. He’d be a fool to. He’d also be a fool to deny himself regular sex. His heart is beating rapidly and she’s looking at him with all the seriousness of a news correspondent.

 

“I don’t have time for a relationship right now.” He finally answers.

 

“Cool. So, do you want to set some ground rules?”

 

“Hmm.” He sinks back against the backrest and Mindy sits back on his lap. “Do you mind if I stare at your boobs for a second, it’s distracting me from thinking, I just need to get it out of the way.”

 

She smirks. “Go crazy.”

 

He stares longingly at the modestly sized mounds, the pebbled nipples taunting him. He gives into a sigh and mumbles yearningly, “Do we absolutely have to talk before the actual sex?”

 

“Yes! Danny! This is important information we need to get down before we— _get down_.”

 

“Well then—can you put on a shirt? I can’t—think.”

 

“Danny, focus!” She snaps her fingers in his face until he’s looking at her face again, a pathetic, sad look in his eyes. “Here’s the deal, okay? If I want to have sex, I will call you or text you, no questions asked. Same goes for you.”

 

“Whenever I want?”

 

“Whenever you want. Unless, you know, I’m on my period or something.”

 

“Can we not talk about your period right before we have sex? Can we make that a rule?”

 

“That’s—kind of rude, but sure, whatever.”

 

“Deal.” He holds his hand out for her and they laugh as she takes it and shakes it.

 

He wrestles out of his jeans with a lack of grace he blames on being drunk over and over.

 

“Danny, I get it! I’m drunk, too, I don’t care that you just slipped on a lemon peel!” Mindy laughs.

 

He chuckles as he kisses her and it’s no surprise that hey laugh all the way through it. Especially when The Lion King soundtrack begins to play just at the tail end of Mindy’s release and at the peak of Danny’s, and they both completely lose it.

 

He doesn’t spend the night, she kisses him at the door, and they’re both sufficiently bashful before Danny nudges Mindy’s shoulder and says. “Thanks for the good time, bro.”

 

Mindy scowls and shakes her head, “No problem, dude, anytime.”

 

“Oh, hey, want me to come over tomorrow and finish that dresser?”

 

“You mean start it? Sure. That’d be cool.”

 

“Alright. Night.”

 

“Night.” She watches him walk towards the elevator and she laughs when he looks over his shoulder and winks.

 

“You’re such a loser!” She calls out and then turns back into her apartment, hearing the elevator door ding in the distance. Her body is tired in a very pleasant way, and she sleeps like a rock. There isn’t that usual unsettling sleeplessness after having sex with some rando, or the wondering and painful, bothersome black hole of uncertainty after sleeping with a guy she likes for the first time.

 

Because this was about sex, plain and simple. Just two healthy, consenting adults enjoying each other with no complications and none of the usual hang ups that come with messy relationships.

 

For the first time in her life, Mindy is having casual sex. Actual, honest to god mind blowingly good casual sex. She is proud of herself.

 

 

 

 

Track 2: _We Dance To The Beat_

 

A case of early labor delays their scheduled meeting until Monday afternoon. After Mindy’s first couple of appointments, and after a formulaic lie told to Peter. Because, are they telling people? Is casual sex a thing you keep secret? Mindy keeps it cool, just to be safe.

 

She takes an early lunch and for a moment considers picking up lunch for him.

 

No, she thinks, it’s either food or sex. Food is friendship, sex is sex, but food and sex implies feelings. And she isn’t having any of those. No, sir, not for Danny Castellano.

 

She pulls her phone from her purse as she signals for a cab and begins to text.

 

_Where are you?_

 

She rolls her eyes and sends a silent prayer up at the heavens, reminding herself of that thing he did to her with his tongue.

 

_WHERE in the hospital?_

_Lounge. Why?_

_Sex?_

_Now?_

 

She smiles to herself and doesn’t even mind that the cab is smelly, like a barn.

 

Danny is standing behind the couch when she gets. She stands by the door, watching him as he chews on a green apple, smirking at something on the television mounted high on the wall. Animal House. Figures.

 

He scratches his belly and chuckles dryly, shaking his head at some stupid frat boy joke.

 

It’s kind of endearing.

 

“Shit.” She mumbles unknowingly, causing Danny’s head to turn.

 

“Hey.” He smiles at her and tosses the remainder of his apple in the garbage can by his foot as she moves inside and shuts the door.

 

The second she’s closed the blinds, his hands are on her. And if she thought drunk sex with Danny was great, sober sex with Danny as he bends her over the couch is out of this world, mind numbingly fantastic.

 

They pick up an unexpected routine for the weeks that follow. Mornings are for work. Strictly. And almost never uncompromised. But lunch sometimes runs just over an hour most days. Lunch, which is enjoyed—thoroughly—in one of three places; he Doctor’s lounge, the on call room on the third floor of the hospital, or the Janitor’s closet at the office. Sometimes, they get creative , and sneak into Jeremy’s office while he’s out and they try to be very, _very_ quiet.

 

One Saturday, Danny takes it upon himself to help Mindy deface every corner and inch of her apartment.

 

“I’ve never gone this long without food in my life.” She pants heavily, lain on her belly on her cool kitchen floor as Danny rolls over onto his back beside her, both coated in an even sheen of sweat.

 

He laughs, coughing a little in his exertion. “Next time, there will be food, trust me.”

 

“Mmm,” She hums appreciatively, exhausted. “I can’t move, Danny.”

 

“Give it a minute.”

 

On week seven, Mindy tells Peter.

 

“That is so stupid,” He says and laughs, sitting across her at her desk.

 

“What! Why?”

 

“Because, anyone who’s ever met you knows your heart is in your vagina. As a matter of fact, Danny’s heart is also in his vagina.”

 

“First of all, that’s rude, second of all, it’s just sex! It’s fun and illicit. Like,” She leans over her desk and her voice drops to a whisper, “The other day, I think I blacked out in the midst of an orgasm, Peter. It’s. So. Good.”

 

“Right, so you’re in love with him and he’s in love with you.”

 

“Peter, no! I can be a slutty available friend, okay! Why don’t you believe me?”

 

“Okay, okay! You’re a big—slut, whatever. God, you’re the weirdest chick friend I’ve ever had. How long have you two been porking anyway? I’ve got a bet going with Beverly.”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“How long?”

 

“I don’t know, a month and a half or something—what do you mean you’ve got a bet going with Beverly?”

 

“A month and a half? Straight?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Like, six weeks straight? No breaks?”

 

“No breaks. Why?”

 

“Well, there is the case of you being female and your PERIOD.”

 

Mindy’s eyes go wide them.

 

There is silence. A dead kind of silence. Peter talks but Mindy’s ears are humming. Or burning, or something. She can’t hear, can’t breathe, can’t even see very well.

 

“Mindy!”

 

“Holy shit, Peter. I’m pregnant.”

 

 

 

Track 3: _Only Love Can Break Your Heart_

 

The lower back pain begins while they’re walking to the drug store, elevating to severe abdominal cramps as they’re paying for a myriad of pregnancy tests. By the time they get to Mindy’s apartment, Peter has to catch her before she falls on her living room floor from the shooting pain.

 

It’s the worst type of luck that Danny happens to be walking out of the hospital as Peter is wheeling Mindy in on a gurney.

 

“Mindy?” He follows behind Peter, his face drained of color at the sight of feverish Mindy.

 

“I need an O.R., YESTERDAY!” Peter orders and bodies immediately begin to move.

 

“Peter, what happened?” Danny asks, already handing his messenger bag and sweater over to a nearby nurse as they continue at full speed towards the nearest elevator. “Peter!”

 

Using his palm to call on the elevator, Peter sighs heavily, scratches the top of his head, and with one final glance at Mindy, replies, “She—experienced heavy abdominal pain, she was in an out on the way here, finally complained about the ambulance siren and went into shock. Judging by the amount of blood, I suspect--Ectopic pregnancy. Hemorrhaging isn’t too bad yet but she needs surgery.”

 

“She--what?”

 

“Look, I know, okay? She told me about you two. We—she just found out she’s pregnant, we were about to have a pee-on-a-stick party when she collapsed.”

 

“She’s—pregnant?”

 

“Can you help or are you freaked?”

 

“I can help,” Danny asserted. “I’m freaked, but I need to help.”

 

“Okay then.”

 

 

 

 

Track 4: _Shimmer_

 

It’s close to midnight when Mindy wakes up to worried and tired looking Danny sitting in wrinkled scrubs at her bedside. Her eyes flutter open, taking in her surroundings and instantly recognizes the familiar hospital room. Memories of the sequence of events that brought here play in her mind and she is momentarily plagued with fear. Danny’s head is inclined forward as he leans into her, her hand in both of his as he stares down at it. Suddenly, Mindy isn’t so scared anymore.

 

“Hi,” She says, her throat achy and sore.

 

His head shoots up sharply, scooting his chair closer and smiles. “Hi. Hey, you. How do you feel?”

 

“Um,” Her brow furrows slightly, “A little high.”

 

Danny laughs. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

 

There is a thick, heavy silence where all Danny can think to do is brush Mindy’s hair back, and all Mindy could do is feel his touch and wonder what he is thinking.

 

“So, uh, guess I got knocked up, huh?”

 

He stops suddenly, touches her cheek briefly and nods. “Yeah.”

 

“I guessed I must have skipped a pill or something. Didn’t know I was so freaking fertile.”

 

He doesn’t reply.

 

“And it wasn’t just a miscarriage, I’m guessing.”

 

“Ectopic pregnancy.”

 

She nods, her eyes tearing up as she averts her gaze. “Did Peter call you?”

 

“No, I caught you guys as I was leaving.”

 

“Oh. And my—did you remove the fallopian tube?”

 

“No,” He is quick to assure her, “There was no need for that. Everything is intact, I promise.”

 

“That’s good,” She nods again, reaches up to wipe a stray tear away and exhales slowly. “Well, it’s all for the best, right? That would have been awkward as hell.”

 

“Nah, it wouldn’t have been that awkward.” He responds gently, catching a tear off the corner of her eye with his thumb. “Don’t cry, Min.”

 

“So much for no strings. Danny, we suck at this.”

 

“Yeah, we kind of do. It was never casual for me though, I don’t think.”

 

“You’re just saying that because my body literally just rejected our bastard fetus.”

 

“Stop it,” He scolds gently and then stands up, leaning over to press his lips to her forehead.

 

She can feel his breath on her hairline, shaky and warm, she can feel the concern in the act.

 

He pulls away only to press his forehead to hers as he cradles her cheek. “That was the scariest moment of my life. Don’t ever do that to me again.”

 

The door flings open and it bounces against the wall, doubling back and missing Morgan by an inch as he storms inside, tears streaming down his face and hysterically crying, “Mindy! Mindy, please don’t die, you have so much to live for!”

 

Danny barely has time to step away from Mindy before Morgan is fussing over her, touching her face, crying into her chest and telling her how much he loves her. “You’re like the older sister I never had.”

 

“Okay, Morgan, I’m not older than you.”

 

“My way, way older sister. Oh, my god, who did this to you? Who knocked you up and left you alone with the shame? I will kick his ass, was it Jeremy?”

 

“What! No! Morgan calm down, Danny please get him off me.”

 

“Okay, Morgan?” Danny pulls him back by the shoulder, “Mindy is fine, but she needs to rest, okay, buddy? Why don’t you give her a little break and come back in the morning, let her get some sleep, huh?”

 

“Yeah,” Morgan concedes, wiping the tears off his face with his palm and emotionally glancing at Mindy on his way out. “You hang in there, chief.”

 

When Morgan is gone, Danny turns to Mindy and offers a sympathetic glance. “Don’t tell him it was me.”

 

 

 

 

Track 5: _Moment of Surrender_

 

They have been talking for close to twenty minutes now. And that is just the twenty minutes that she knows of, just the twenty minutes since she spotted Danny talking to freaking Eye Patch across the street from her favorite food truck.

 

They are chatting all to amiably and Danny is laughing so hard it physically sickens Mindy. She almost threw away her taco a minute ago. Almost, but not quite.

 

“Look at them, they’re disgusting.” She grumbles.

 

Pablo, the all too young, all too handsome, all too gay owner of the food truck comes up behind her to look and shrugs. “They’re cute.”

 

Mindy grimaces up at him. “What do you know? You’re just a gay hipster.”

 

“I told you, I’m Mexican, I’m not a hipster.”

 

“Okay, I don’t know what that means, but take a glance in the mirror for once in your life, hot pants. You’re a hipster.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“Hey!” She points a tern finger in Pablo’s handsome face. “I spend literally hundreds of dollars here, can you just back me up? In the spirit of gay and woman alliance?”

 

“Fine.  They’re terrible. Her outfit is terrible and they make me sick. Happy?”

 

“Was that so hard? God, Pablo!”

 

“You’re crazy, but your style is enviable, and those Jimmy Choo’s are insane.” He finally states as a few customers trickle in and he is lured back to work, leaving a satisfied, smiling Mindy.

 

A smiling Mindy, whose smile suddenly perishes as across the street, Eye Patch and Danny embrace warmly before she kisses him and then leaves him waving her goodbye like a lovesick puppy.

 

Her stomach plummets to the floor and a knot forms in her throat.

 

As if he’s sensed her, Danny looks up and appears to be searching for something before quickly spotting Mindy. The smile that he initially begins to form suddenly disappears at the look on her face. She’s seen him. She is already shaking her head before he takes the first step off the sidewalk and soon he finds himself chasing after her down the busy street.

 

“Mindy, hang on!” He calls after her to no avail, finally catching up and briskly walking just behind her after a block of running.

 

“Hang on for what?”

 

“That wasn’t what you think.”

 

“It doesn’t matter what I think, Danny! You’re a single, okay looking guy, Eye Patch is pretty cool and kind Vogue-ish which is awesome, and your babies will probably be celebrities. I mean, she’s like thirty years your junior, but that’s none of my business.”

 

“Hey, nut job!” He grabs her by the arm and pulls her up to the nearest corner and holds her in place with both hands on her shoulders until she’s looked at him. “Who said I’m single?”

 

She stares up at him, all wide-eyed and completely clueless.

 

“I mean,” He continues, “Aren’t we together? I thought…”

 

“Are we?” She asks.

 

“ARE we?”

 

“ _Are_ we?”

 

“Mindy, are we?” He squeezes her shoulders and shakes her a little as he steps closer to her. “Because that’s what I told Eye Patch.”

 

Smiling shyly, Mindy briefly averts her gaze and lightly nibbles on her bottom lip. Hearing him use the nickname she herself fabricated gives her a thrill and she has to laugh at the sound of it.

 

“What?” He asks, easing his hold on her to smooth his palms down the length of her arms before taking her hands in his. “What’s funny?”

 

She stomps her foot and shakes her head. “Danny, we haven’t even kissed since--in three months, how do I know what’s going on in your head?”

 

“I haven’t kissed you because I didn’t want overstep, I didn’t know if you were ready after what happened, I just didn’t want to pressure you. But, Mindy, come on. I spend every day with you and almost every night planted on your couch. What did you think we were doing?”

 

“I mean, I don’t know what you were doing, but _I_ was doing _you_ a favor by showing you every episode of The Hills.”

 

“Mindy.”

 

“Okay, fine, we’re together. But you kissed Eye Patch!” She exclaims and shoves him. “What the hell, man!”

 

“She was—it was just a friend kind of kiss, I ran into her and she told me she’s getting married. She’s moving to Colorado or something. That was it.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Don’t pout.”

 

“I’m not pouting.” She snaps, watches him in silence for a long time and then slaps his cheek lightly, and through gritted teeth says, “You can kiss me, stupid.”

 

 

 

 

Track 6: _Simple Life/Yours To Keep_

 

Danny kisses the tip of Mindy’s nose, nips at it and laughs when she swats at him.

 

“You’re so gross!”

 

“You have a cute nose.” Is his only defense. He pulls back to comfortably rest on his side, his head propped on his hand as he trails a finger across Mindy’s collarbone.

 

She watches through half lidded eyes as he draws an invisible map across her bare skin in deep concentration, tickling her ribs and making her breath hitch when he reaches just bellow her navel.

 

He lowers his head and kissed her there, drawing out sighs and quiet exclamations, making Mindy compliant and responsive under his touch. Her skin rises in goose bumps where he’s kissed her and she closes her eyes, relishing in the feel of his tentative exploration until suddenly, his mouth has disappeared and there is something cool and of noticeable weight on her stomach.

 

She opens her eyes and sees the little blue Tiffany’s box rise and fall with the pace of her breathing.

 

His chin rests on her hip as he watches her expression shift and change in the slightest of ways, waiting. Slowly her eyes meet his; with a lopsided grin, he asks, and with a smile of her own, she answers ‘yes’.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to incorporate a lot of the prompts because I loved them all so much. I hope you like it :) I had a lot of fun writing it.


End file.
